IDEM

– You’re so handsome!

– You too.

– I want to see you.

– Me too.

– I adore you.

– Me too.

– I love you.

– Idem.

I am unable to start. Unable to show you the same compliments, comments or feelings that you directly release. Unable to be the first to throw the stone of vulnerability, courage and sincerity.

My cheap excuses about going slowly, about wanting to verbalize without feeling pressured, with my tempos, my freedom and my space…all that just really hide my insecurity, my fear and my lack of faith. Lack of faith in myself, in this inner me that pushes my outer me while I fight so none is touched.

It would be easier to tell you that I am melting for you. But of course before doing that I should accept it. Also, if I started showing my true self, you would have a reason to tell me that I do love you. So, waiting for my inner self to win the battle for some fortuitous reason, I keep my strong position just using my favorite response:

– Idem.